There should be a word in oloking English dictionary for that feeling you get when you tell someone you love them and hear it repeated back to you. Whether your partner is saying it for the first time or the hundredth time, you want to believe they actually mean it. Chances are, they do.
But there are some cases where people will lie and say "I love you" even if they don't quite mean it. If you're unsure of whether or not your partner means it, experts say there are some things you can pay attention to. If you're someone who takes oooking three little words seriously, lying about being in love may not make a ton of sense to you. But as Celia Schweyerdating and relationship expert for DatingScout, tells Bustle, people do have their reasons.
For instance, some people think it's love, but realize later on that it's not.
In this case, Schweyer says they'd be "unconsciously lying. In more toxic situations, some will say it just to get something pooking you. It's not always easy to tell whether someone's being genuine with you or not. So here are some subtle s your partner is lying when they say "I love you," according to experts. You can tell a lot about the sincerity of a person by looking into their eyes.
Eye contact is all about making a connection. It's even more intense and intimate, when you do it while saying "I love you.
Lookiing instance, they'll always smile at you, lovingly touch you, hold your hand, and find ways to be close to you. According to Meche'tte, these are all simple yet ificant s that your partner means what they say. But if they claim to love you, but they're never affectionate or they subtly try to push you away when you try to be, they may be lying about their feelings.
Keep in mind, there are some people who aren't comfortable with touching and affection. If that's the case, you should have a discussion about it early on. But, if they used to be affectionate and now they're not, that can al a problem.
You can tell that someone may be lying about their love for you if they only relaationship it when they want something. Their "I love you" is always followed by some kind of request. If this happens a lot, you may be dealing with an emotional manipulator. If they sense that you're waking up from their toxic "spell," they may use the words "I love you" as emotional currency to keep you around. If you give in to their request, they know they still have you hooked.
Leaving this type of situation can be difficult. It's easy to get sucked back in. So if you feel like you're being emotionally abused and you're looking to get out, help is out there for you. Catalina Lawsin, PhDa therapist with a speciality in relationships, tells Relationshipp. Someone may say this to you as a way to show you that they're serious about taking things to the next level without really meaning it.
Everyone falls in love differently and at different times. But if they haven't taken the time to get to know the real you, it may not be love just yet. In this case, Lawsin says they just might be the type of person who throws the phrase around. There's nothing malicious or manipulative going on. They may not value those three words as much as you do. So don't feel pressured to say it back if you don't feel it just yet.
For instance, saying it before asking for something is a that you may be dealing with a manipulator. But saying it before, during, or after a fight, can also be a red flag. According to Lawsin, those three words immediately elicit a reaction. Someone may use this to immediately end a potential fight before it begins.
Others may use this as a way to get in your good graces without having to really apologize. If they only say it as a response to you saying it, that's a red flag to pay attention to. They may be feeling pressured to say something so you won't leave them. They may even say it as a way to fake it until they make it. By saying it, they hope to convince themselves they they really do love you.
You should never pressure someone into saying those words. After all, you wouldn't like it if they did that to you. If you've been together for a while and they still aren't saying it first, you may want to have an honest discussion with them about how they really feel. They may just need some time to figure things out. You may notice little changes in the way your partner says "I love you. If your partner begins acting differently towards you, that's usually a that something is going on.
When you notice that things feel off, it's important to check-in with your partner to see how they're really feeling. Don't assume to know what's going on.
Maybe they're just a little bored, and a weekend away can rekindle the spark. Maybe they've fallen out of love, and there's nothing you can do anymore. Once you have the truth, you can work with them to figure out what to do next. According to Nancy Ruth Deenbreakup specialist and relationship coach, you'll never truly know if someone's being authentic when they say "I love you" if they do it over text. Those words should be expressed during "loving moments of intimacy," ideally in person, she tells Bustle.
And if that's physically impossible, FaceTiming or talking on the phone can provide you with better options than texting. Sometimes, the key to figuring out how your partner truly feels about you is examining their behavior. And if they don't consider how their actions impact you directly, they may not really be in love. Although some people are naturally flirtatious, if your partner's behavior bothers you and you've communicated that to them, they should act more mindfully.
If you've been with your partner for a while, but they avoid talking about the future, they may not be all-in. According to Lawsin, a partner who truly means it when they say they love you will want to know where you see the relationship going. By setting long-term relationship goals together as a unit, looking for sincere relationship be equally as invested in your growth and maturity as a couple.
According to Silversmith, "If you notice a pattern of them opting for spending time with others over doing something together with you often, that may be a red flag. Not everyone is a romantic, but you should feel loved by your partner. According to Fecik, if you feel like you have relationhip force your partner to act with kindness toward you, they may see your relationship as an obligation.
Loving you shouldn't be a "hardship" for them, she says. If your partner always says "I love you," but hesitates to take your relationship to the next level, they may not feel truly committed. According to Fecik, your partner may be using the phrase to manipulate you or keep you hooked. Diverting your attention to another topic or changing the subject quickly can all be s soncere your SO isn't as invested in the future of your relationship as you are.
Some people get into the habit of saying "I love you" even though they're emotionally checking out of the relationship.
If you notice any major changes in your partner's behavior, experts say something may be up. Changes in your partner's behavior can be very telling. If your SO is getting more frustrated by the little loooing you say and do, Anderson says there may be a few underlying issues that need to be discussed. If you find yourself concerned, open up a dialogue with your partner about why this behavior hurts you. As Meche'tte relattionship, "most of us can sense when things just don't feel right, especially in our relationship.
Regardless, if things feel a little off, it's important to talk to your partner to see how they're really feeling, instead of assuming you know what's going on. Once you're on the sameyou can work with them to figure out what to do next together. Keep in mind that "I love you" can mean different things to different people. It really comes down to your intuition.
If you feel like your partner is being sincere, they probably are. But if something doesn't feel quite right, these s can help you figure out if your partner is lying about their feelings for you.
Celia Schweyerdating and relationship expert for DatingScout. Shelley Meche'tte, relationship expert and certified life purpose coach. Catalina Lawsin, PhDsjncere. Nancy Ruth Deenbreakup specialist and relationship coach. Holly Andersonclinically d marriage and family therapist. This article was originally published on July 24, By Kristine Fellizar.